Knit Frog Knit

Can I start over? YES! Thank God-- literally!

2007-04-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have prayed a lot in 2007. It's been a wild and ugly ride. But surprisingly, I haven't been that depressed (which is good) and overall, I am still optimistic (which is even better). In the last three months we have: all had a major cold (mine was a respiratory infection that lasted 5 weeks and involved mucho medication and a major ear infection...Isaac's was the croup round 2, we have all missed a lot of work/school/life). We had to move out of our house for a week and live at the seminary at the end of february beginning of march- because of a skunk (it was mating season) who got ticked at someone and sprayed under our deck. Our house has recovered, but it took WEEKS and over $1,000.00 in wildlife controller/house improvement fees. We then found out in the beginning of March that I was pregnant- it was a surprise, but I was ecstatic... by the end of march I had a miscarriage (which believe it or not- started during my sister's baby shower). I know it's fairly common, I know this logically, and certainly, we only had about 2 and a half weeks of getting excited about this baby...but personally, in my heart, I was crushed-- and so we as a family -are recovering. Last week I broke a toe, and to be honest, this barely rates a mention in the scheme of our lives... The orphanage that my one teenager at Leadership Now works with in Lesotho burned to the ground two weeks ago-- and out of that horrible event (no children were harmed thanks be to God) I am beginning to see the goodness in the world and in the church again in a major way. Sometime in the next week or two I will post the amazing details of how good the youth I work with are, and how amazingly competent, capable and caring they are as well.
So today is easter- and I am determined that with today comes new life. 2007 starts anew for me right now... and it will be better... this I believe!

Fun things

2007-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

So, this week has been very fun for me. Over the weekend we hosted a Justice Summit in which 44 youth from up and down the eastern seaboard came for a weekend together to learn that they can make a difference in the world around them. We slept very little (actually, we didn't even have a lot of free time)- but- we ate good food, laughed a lot, cried a little, learned SOOO much, and generally had a fabulous time. My week has been spent reorganizing things at work including my office, and spending time with college students that I adore, then going home and playing with our adorable son. So yea for that! Fun things all around.

Things I wish for

2007-01-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

It's a wishful day for me. I am at the end of the work day, and actually got a lot done, but have now lost focus completely. I am wishful for a few things only right now, and all of them are difficult or impossible, or just need to happen slowly over time. So here they are:
Over Time: I wish we were debt free, so Scott wouldn't stress, and I wouldn't get depressed- we are working on it, and this year, we seem like we can pull it off too (and hopefully sooner rather than later in the year). I also wish I gave more money away to various organizations that I believe in and spent less on eating out, my starbucks obsession (which is honestly like $20 or more every week-- how ridiculous!) and on clothes and other things to make me feel better about my weight. I also wish I could really committ one year to changing that, but that takes more than wishing and I struggle with that.

Difficult: I wish Scott had more down time and his job and exams were easier right now. I also wish I were more active and spent more time playing (physically) with him and the boy. And I wish I could help my mom out more (and get her to see a therapist!)

Impossible- practically speaking: I wish we were pregnant, or that a brother or sister was in the cards for Isaac. I have a real fear that he will be sad about this later in life, and I know that I will, but that is not the deal I made, and I do understand where Scott is coming from on this one. I also am getting older, and am not as healthy as I should be, so really this just isn't going to be for us... but I wish it could be different.

I also wish we could travel internationally as a family and that our retirement savings keeps growing and that we both live long enough to enjoy that together... on those things- I'll just have to wait and see.

It's just a wishful day for me... not sad, just a sighing, dreaming, wishing time... that's all for now-- Jacq

Hospitals and other scary things

2006-12-20T20:31:00.000-08:00

So,
On Friday night (at 3 am) we took our little boy to the ER. It wasn't a hard decision to make (even though we usually debate whether he needs to see a doctor until he gets healthy and then we just don't go) nope. This time he was whimpering and not really breathing that much. It was Croup. Easily curable, suddenly striking, very frightening Croup. My mom always talked about us having "the croup" as kids, but honest to pete, I didn't really know it was a typical childhood illness. But for some kids it is, and ours is one of those. It's 5 days later, he's no longer contagious, and the steroids and cool mist vaporizors worked miracles...but i am still afraid to sleep deeply at night, and wake up to listen to the baby monitor a gazillion times. There isn't much in life any scarier than taking your kid to the ER.
On a side note- my dad's alzheimer's is getting worse, and it is a sad thing that my mom, brother and I are all wishing that this would end sooner rather than later. What a horrible thing to think, but the slow decline is ugly and is breaking my mom's heart, and really she is so depressed that it is starting to affect her physically. That too is scary.
On a final and much lighter note- we are lucky to have so many friends and family members to turn to through stuff like this. I am so grateful to have a group of people that will pray for me, that will love our son, that are caring for my father. We are blessed by many loving people- and whenever i doubt my faith for even a minute, one of them does something that shows me that God lives...
thanks be for that!

Spritual Things

2006-12-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

So worship at the Seminary was interesting today. Frank (our pastoral care professor) preached on the theme of " A God who is against us in all the right ways" not a typical warm fuzzy sermon, yet still inspiring and caring and well done and making me think and all that jazz. Also the sacred dance group here is particularly good right now- they provided a powerful visual to go with a song called "God is Here" and it actually ended up moving me to tears. I don't know what is going on with me faith wise right now. Spiritual things are always at the front of my thinking (and maybe always have been, but now I am more aware of that). I am constantly searching for God's presence in the world ,in the community, in the people I interact with, and I have no doubt that God is here- alive in all creation -- and as my denomination says "still speaking"... but the trickiness of life right now is that I feel really disconnected from church. and not just my local church, but from churches in general. I am able to find spiritual communities to worship with every few weeks and to have biblical and theological conversations- but that is because my job gives me the opportunity to help form such communities every few weeks. In the meantime- I can't seem to find a local community that doesn't make me sad. And when I worship in the local UCC churches that I am connected to- I get so frustrated and anxious and aware of our own hypocrisy that I want to jump out of my skin. I don't have any idea where I am going - either with this post, or with my life of faith. But this is clearly a time of growing pains for me- and I have no sense of who I will be when it is over. I also have no idea what impact all this may have on Isaac, and that worries me a good bit. I am such a liberal- but i believe strongly in prayer. I want justice, but know that I am falling short on working towards it. I am tired of the church as it is currently- I am tired of divisiveness and the inability to wrestle with the discordance of life without hurting each other. I want to have deep and meaningful and hard conversations that end with people still praying for each other (not against each other) and that end with us feeling more diverse, yet more united by the Gospel message. How can that be? How can I bring something like this into being? The uu's have tried but they seem even farther off base than the ucc's. And I think in many ways- the ucc is as "just" a church as there is out there- but UGH! It's still nowhere near the vision I long for... I will keep thinking and praying and knitting on these things...

Time sure flies

2006-12-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a while since I posted. Life is just zipping by. It's advent already (lot's of people think that it's Christmas time, but it is actually a season of anticipation BEFORE celebration- a very good time that should not be ignored!) Anyhow we are really busy, as all of America seems to be. In our case, we are trying to see as many of our family and friends as we can before the holiday. We are not big shoppers - we usually come up with a list and in the last 5 days before Christmas, we go out late at night and buy the stuff on the list. That't it. no trying to get great deals, no going into the mall unless we absolutely HAVE to. We try to get books, things from small stores and even go to places like Old Navy and Circuit City specifically because they are not attached to a mall. I really, honestly, would love it if Christmas were a little more like Thanksgiving- a little less about the shopping, more about the family and gratitude. (only this time, specific gratitude for the God of Love who sends a child into the world to represent her/himself). That's my thought on the matter.
So, in the midst of all the busy days- Scott is studying EVERY night and EVERY weekend for his last actuarial exam. It is high stress around here- and will be until the end of January sadly. I am knitting again, and quilting (I can't believe I added another hobby to the 43 others i already don't have enough time for)... and I am getting ready to say goodbye to being part time. My job goes full time in January.

Our little man is doing great- he really is so sweet and such a joy to be with... I hope and pray we can be good enough parents that he doesn't end up with that "Only Child" syndrome (not all onlys have it, but some think they are the center of the universe, and I hope he learns otherwise). He is not really aware of what Christmas is like in our culture. He knows it's about baby Jesus (thanks to daycare more than us) and that is enough in my opinion for now.
Well, I gotta go start the laundry and other mundane tasks I stayed home to work on. Happy Advent people!

Vacation...oh yeah!

2006-10-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

Scott, my mom, the little man and I just got back from our vacation to Ocean City, MD. It was great. So beautiful. Very relaxing. Too much chocolate. Weight watchers went out the window. it was great, but too short. I really wish I could just relax more and worry less about my mom, Isaac, and whether or not Scott is disappointed if we don't spend much time biking. If I could've let go of that stuff- then it would've been perfect. But for the most part - it was great. And I knit a little, looked at crochet patterns and read really dumb magazines. Yea for that! Now it is a wierd week where Scott and I are half on vacation, half working, but for sure we need to clean up our house. ... a little less fun, but still better than being completely back at work. So, having said that I am now going to get off this blog thing, and get ready to go out to our favorite restaurant for lunch. yummmm....

Pottery V. Knitting

2006-10-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

So, we survived the weekend, and the memorial service for our dear friend Rose went really well. Scott did a powerpoint presentation of her life in picturest that was just beautiful. I officiated and think I managed to meet the needs of a VERY diverse group of grievers (from devout mennonites and wild, spiritual, rejected by the church Lesbians). I fell in love with Rose's friends. and I am glad it's over.
Over the weekend I really couldn't figure out what I wanted to do more- build pottery or knit... I read and drank too much espresso instead. I have way too many hobbies and I love all of them. But Isaacs sweater needs to be finished before he is too big to wear it- so knitting is going to have to win in the arts battle. Starting tonight!

New day

2006-10-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a new day. It's fall. And I love fall. Now in spite of the fact that it has been a really sad week here in Lancaster, and in spite of the fact that we will be holding the memorial for Scott's boss and mentor for the last 12 years on Sunday...I am going to start living joyfully again. It's fall. A time that is great for remembering that things end, but they also begin anew.

So - on a lighter note- I am determined to finish our little man's handprint sweater by the end of October (because it is finally sweater time). I'm also going to finish the laptop bag that I was working on last spring (it just needs a zipper and a lining and I can start to use it). Then I will allow myself to pick a new project. Yea for that!

This afternoon I will be, once again, teaching pottery to 15 3rd graders- and hopefully it will go a little smoother today (but how smooth can it get really when you are intentionally giving mud to 15 8 year olds...) Good grief, what was I thinking! Anyhow- pictures of their projects will follow at some point.

And now- it's time for me to stop reading knitting blogs and work. :-P

Incomprehensible

2006-10-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

I live in Lancaster. 5 little girls gone, more likely to pass too...and our town now adds itself to the list of so many who are struck by these incomprehensible acts of violence against our children. I just don't even have words for how sad and how sick this makes me. Yet, it is hard to stop watching the news because, somehow you think something will be said that can explain what this person was motivated by. But the reality is - there is no explanation. It is illness, it is evil, but it is mostly, unexplainable and incomprehensible.

An Eeyore kind of day

2006-09-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am not sure if I am spelling it correctly, but Eeyore- the winnie-the-pooh character, is right up my alley today. It is a sad and mopey day here at the seminary, and I am feeling sorrowful and mournful. Ok, and maybe a little angry. Here's why:

I spent the morning helping a friend plan a memorial service for her partner. And spent a good portion of that time recognizing (not for the first time) that our country, and the state of PA on top of it, is for the most part, illogical, immoral and ignorant. This couple has been together- well, for more than 15 years, cause that's how long we've known them. They are so much like us in many ways. They are two amazing, committed loving people. And now one of them has died - and I finally recognize how much our society keeps them from living normal, happy, lives. Let me explain that this couple has lived the "love your neighbor" thing more fully than any people in any church I've ever seen. They care about their community and serve it fully. They are moral, responsible, ethical, caring, kind and generous people. They are GOOD! they are God's daughters too.
And my culture - because of its religious values, chooses to hate them and oppress them. Here in America, we Christians pick and choose which parts of the bible we want to use to oppress people. Let's take slavery and the treatment of women as just two examples of past abuse that has changed...(and our understanding of mold and the wearing of mixed fibers as just a few of the levitical and cannonical texts which we have reinterpreted-) WISELY - I might add- as we begin to understand God and creation and nature more fully... And yet we always need to find some group to hold down and abuse under the guise that - that is what Jesus would do.

Has anyone who believes this ever read the GOSPELS?!? Yes, there are texts that we can use to bash gays and lesbians (I blame the Apostle Paul and right wing politics for the most part) but in a society that claims to allow individual, unalienable rights and claims that there is some separation of church & state- if you set aside the Bible for just one moment and look at the issue with your brain and social structure instead of your religious views, THEN HOW IN GOD'S NAME and ALL THAT IS HOLY CAN WE KEEP OPPRESSING THESE PEOPLE WHO WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!??????!!!! I do NOT get this and I am SO ANGRY!

The Laws do not protect them. The laws abuse them and I am appalled. As a pastor, as a loving Christian, but mostly as an AMERICAN, I have no way of comprehending this.
And this blog was going to be about knitting and my family and fun, humourous life events, but now is not the time for me to knit- because I will make tiny little hate-filled knots that i will just have to rip out later. I need to practice some forgiveness and prayer at this point, because I have no idea what else to do- but at some point soon - my family and I will need to become activists. Because it is what I believe Christ did, would do and is still working on... to bring love and peace and care for the community into this world, we will all need to start seeing the holy in one another.... I am going to get off my soap box now, hold my head in my hands and cry a little, and then pray. It is all I am left capable of doing today. Say a little prayer friends, and I promise, next time I post, no talk about religion...

Bruised yet happy...

2006-09-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

So, I need to post pictures (and will do so later this week- when I am somewhere near my camera) because Scott and I had a FANTASTIC weekend- and we took a lot of good pictures of ourselves actually. We went on a trip to Somerset PA and rode our tandem on the Allegheny Highlands trail - it was such a blast. We rode 24 miles on Saturday through beautiful woods, and by neat little waterfalls. Then on Sunday I was a guest preacher at a church there and after worship we went out to the trail again and rode for another 21 miles or so. I was SO bruised though from the seat...that's right... I bruised my Tuckus if you can believe it (actually, anyone who's ever spent more than an hour on a bike at a time knows this feeling). I want a new saddle pronto (it may not help, but it can't hurt). Even with the soreness and what not- it was a beautiful weekend, and it was nice to leave our "little man" with his Nena and Poppie so that we could have a night alone together. And - I started another "Irish hiking scarf" on the drive (such a great hobby this knitting is. What else can you do so easily while riding in a car?). This time I am knitting the IHS using a beautiful lime-navy colored Malibrigo yarn.... Simply yummy.
:-)
Total Joy...

Knitting through the pain of it all

2006-09-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

So, tonight I will be knitting, but I will be knitting at a meeting that will be painful. I am not dreading it, but I am not looking forward to it, mostly because it is embarrassing and will require great change from me.... yep...I am going back to weight watchers. I've tried before and had lost 30 pounds a couple of years ago,but had a baby and fell back to really bad habits. Then I joined again this past January and, well, the friend I was going with got pregnant and bailed on me (with good reason, I am very happy for her, just sad for me). Now I have another friend that wanted to rejoin,and I just feel like the timing is right. So I will take my knitting along in the hopes that it will make the time feel REALLY well-spent. And a little less traumatic. I hope to just plug along, and stick with it (both the knitting and the WW). wish me luck!
On a side note- the boy's second birthday was fabulous.... ice cream cake, poppy blowing bubbles with him. Cousin Avery and Uncle Chris running amok with us. It was really fun. Pictures will be posted later...once we all have the time to recover.

Turning Two

2006-09-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

The boy will officially be two this weekend- which means a full weekend of extended family festivities... My FIL is co-directing a race, followed by a b-day party with both our families...it should be weird, and hopefully fun, but weird for sure. We will try to take his picture again at all the cool places we went to last year, but he is TWO and so, much of our plans are dependent on his cooperation, and well, that cannot be planned for. Gotta love it. Actually, everyone tells me that three is much worse than two, but we'll see about that. And for the most part- he is still a laughing, bubbly, chatty little man, so, I will just be grateful for age two and recognize that 18 comes too soon.
Happy weekend everyone- may it be as weird and fun as you can handle.

The Boy

2006-09-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

Firsts of all kinds

2006-09-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

So, I am knitting my first ever sweater (it's for a non-discerning eyed toddler) and I am learning how to blog all at the same time. I really wish I could stick to one thing at a time, but it seems to be against my nature. Rather, I have three or four projects on the needles, I have been coerced into quilting for the first time, and I am learning about blogging all at once! It's more fun that way I suppose to never spend more than a half hour doing any one thing in my life. And if there is one thing I have learned about other knitters from viewing all their websites, it is that many of them share my personality traits for multiple projects, short attention spans and a love of too much yarn (at least, the fun ones do!) ;-)

A first post

2006-09-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, I am learning about blogs by trying to construct my own. I've tried once before, but this time I am serious, because I have been obsessively reading other peoples knitting blogs for the last year now, and it is time to jump into the fray. So here I go!!!